the last couple of days have been somewhat like sour tasting soup being pumped down my throat without having a choice of throwing it back out. i am that kinda person who doesnt allow things of his past hinder what the future would bring, but lately the past has been creeping back into my system at such a pace that it has finally started melting me from the inside out.
it would have been a different case if those that would have helped by donating their time to hear me out as i offload my gutts are there when they are needed. unfortunately they have better things to be bothered with than to be held down by engineerAyo's soul melting impurities. at some point it feels like they dont care, never cared, or stopped caring long b4 now.
i read somn on overwhelmed's blog and i left a comment, but my comment was laced with somn. her response to me was,"i sense theres stuff in you that you have to express..." i read her response and i thot about it for not so long a minute. YES I DO HAVE SOMN I HAVE TO EXPRESS. its eating me up, dont want to dig them back up but recent happenings have sparked off my deep thinking self and it was my deep thinking self that wrote this some years ago on one of those days when things just werent kosha
i have a lot of things held up inside of me.
Some in my head,
Some in my heart,
Some in my mind and thoughts.
Those in my head i use daily,
Those in my heart i cherish,
Those in my mind i think of all the time.
But people do not understand, and some just do not care.
What they do not realize is that i have something else inside that hurts deep inside.
i can not tell you but it really does hurt me deep inside.
Some in my head,
Some in my heart,
Some in my mind and thoughts.
Those in my head i use daily,
Those in my heart i cherish,
Those in my mind i think of all the time.
But people do not understand, and some just do not care.
What they do not realize is that i have something else inside that hurts deep inside.
i can not tell you but it really does hurt me deep inside.
i'm trying to fight back, but its harder now than it used to be. i guess my theory of not letting stuff out, building up heat and causing a meltdown from the inside out kinda slipped me by this time out. i have got back up though. YES, i have got back up. engineerAyo is going to start self therapy. my self therapy would be blogging my every thought whenever the need arises. make it kinda like an escape valve or release valve.
6 comments:
hmmm... I often follow that mentality as well of bottling up everything in side and smiling on the outside... the last time i bottled things up, i kept it bottled up for so long and never really dealth with it, til one day at work I just busted out into tears crying at my desk, and none of my friends at work understood what the heck was the matter... i tried to pull myself together, but it was a lost cause... things had finally caught up with me and i had to deal with my emotions and inner demons... anyways, my point is that i hope that you can find a way to express what's going on inside you... don't wanna go making pubic performanace :-( like I did in the past... i do find that writing and blogging help me get alot off my mind & chest...
~DD
Chiefo,
I pray the good Lord gives you the strength to deal with whatever it is and that you have peace of mind.
ChiefO, whenever u're ready to spill it all out, we're ready to listen. Blogging helps me let go of stuff i would otherwise have bottled up. That's the same thing that happens to me, whenever i intend to post a new entry, if i just make the mistake of opening up other blogs i get carried away, so my thing now is if they didn't blog, would i have som'n to read?
thanks y'all, its good to know u guys got my back and front. i'm on the first stage of my self therapy already. this blog entry set the ball rolling for me, it helped me let out some of the carbon monoxide i had built up during my internal combustion sessions. a chinese proverb says,"dont be affraid of growing slowly, be affraid of standing still." i'm making progress and thats wat really counts.
i think its great that you have this space as an outlet... there is nothing wrong with "self therapy" if it makes you a better individual. Good luck, and God bless!
hiya,
i was just reading through your piece, great work. am just like you, i let things build up in me. but my main problem is expressing my thoughts.At least u can express urs.
S.A
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