Thursday, September 28, 2006

Nigerian Day Parade!

hey! its almost october 1st, it would be the 46th year since naija gained its independence from mama charley land. not like i'm excited about it or anything cos those in the curruptDOORS of power dont give me any reason to be excited.
AnyWhichWay, the nigerian day parade is on saturday and imma be there as your one and only news paparazzi. there would definitely be gist to report cos between my fellow naija guys and girls acting like they are all this, their fronting and backing for each other and the orisirisi kinikon that would happen. there sure would be enough to run my mouth about.
my guy, Fox was talking about coming over to NY with some members of the fela boys club so we might be setting up our own fela boys corner. he never got back to me though but watever happens sha, i'll let y'all know. i sure wont mind gyrating to some afrobeat on saturday since some of my people aint coming to NY no more.

my passies friends are coming from outta state cos of the parade, so i guess we'll go shoot pool, bowl, play darts, or somn tomorrow nite since i aint going for the miss independence day pageant abi wetin una dey call am. but i promise you that it is on, on saturday. i'll be at the parade live and direct(so long God doesnt have other plans for me). meanwhile stay tuned for my LOVE 350 and LOVE 509 class. i have to combine those two classes cos i want a large class size. you know the way we have it in naija where there are over 500 students taking the same course with only one professor and no mic to amplify the professors bedroom voice. exactly that how i want it.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I shall not be tempted!

Hey y'all! kilon wassup? i was gonna say nohin had happened to me lately but just when i started typing, i remembered this miss who was hitting on me yesterday. My day started off just ok. i thanked God for allowing me the priviledge of seeing another day. did the usual morning ritual and went to get my alumni card so i could have access to their pc, unlimited paper for printing and all (stuff i paid for and hardly ever used while i was still a student). anywho i got that done, got back to the carpark only to find that some nonsense hound had given me a parking warning. the guy no even fear. giving a whole engineerAyo warning. what arant nonsense! all well i left and went to my friends mum's african store. she was there by herself thus i ended up helping her with some of the customers present. next thing o, this customer she was helping walked up behind me, looked at me for a minute and was like, "do u work here?" and i answered, yes, i do. how may i help u, wat do u want or somn like that. Na so she open mouth o, "i want you!" her buddy who came in with her was like, "he looks young" (yeah i dont look my age, got them good genes in my system). she was now like, "i dont care, he looking hmmm! hmmm!" att his point i was thinking in my head, rewind back to 7months ago when engineerAyo was single and wasnt fasting. little did she know she was playing with kinikon.
anywho, i just ignored her and went on with my bidness. hopefully she wont keep coming back to the african store looking for me later on and start the stalking process. Amen! she aint gonn get anywhere anyway cos i got my one and only missDBL and she sure is all the different shades of sexy(overwhelmed abeg no sharge me for copyleft infrindgement o) that i ask for.

have a nice nite y'all.

sleep is happening to me early today.

Monday, September 25, 2006

R.I.P. Uncle...

was gonna blog about the nigerian day parade coming up on saturday and also give u an update about my passies mitsubishi eclipse but i cant no more. my uncle passed away sometime last week and i just found out today.(my mum and aunt didnt want my sister and I to know) it was my other uncle who called my sister and told her and she told me. i've been moody on and off since i got the news. i dont really know the details though but i know he has been ill on and off for quite a long minute now. he fought back hard and almost came up tops but alas he couldnt go all the way. i'm going to call my mum today though. i need to know how his wife and kids are taking things and if they have told my grandma yet. he has been buried though. May Almighty Allah grant him paradise. Amin.

"from him we have come and to him we shall return"

Sunday, September 24, 2006


man-beings and woman-beings of this blogonosphere (see me speaking big oyinbo) i salute u o. i've not been here in a minute, partly because i've not really been running around this contraption called internet lately. i just speed thru most times like i speed thru free toll booths. and moreso its the month of Ramadan and i've been engaging myself with more religious stuff (guess some of y'all didnt know i was a muslim) all well now u know. anywho, my passie with the eclipse is back in full swing. the eclipse has been fixed and it made its first public appearance today. although ur one and only engineerAyo wasnt there to weakness the kinikon. anyway, my turn go soon come. he is driving the eclipse to school tomorrow and just cos of y'all i'll go there just to interview the eclipse on how it feels to have lamborghini style doors. pictures and autographs would be collected so stay tuned.

Maa Salaam...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

LOVE 101

people make noise all the time about love this love that and the question "how do u know if u are in love?" always comes up. After all has been said they ask u for ur opinion. i have taken it upon myself in my own giantly little way to help with this quest for finding or knowing when true love is felt.
OK here goes! all this one wey una dey ask for people opinion about how love take be, na second hand una go get. nobody can define love for u. u have to define it yourself, do i hear u ask me how. ok make i talk. sit back, take a deep breath and say whooooooosaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! u done that innit. cool! now get a list of things that u hate the most, the things that make u throw up, or as the cliche goes," the things that turns u off in females or males" whichever applies and if it both then i can't really help u in that department. now that u have that, its time for elimination method, the one u've been using b4 now is substitution method. if anyone of these people u want to know if u love them or not has all these things that get u disgusted the most and u still cannot stop thinking about them and can't stop feeling all what u feel for them then i guess u got yourself some GOOD SHIT right there. thats enough for now the KOKO of the HEAD of this whole contraption called love is self defined. if i start to talk now we wouldnt finish.

and to those of u that go into relationships thinking u can change the other person, u are the begining of the end of such relationships, u might wanna know why my opinion is such. i'll sure tell u... if i say i dont understand ur pain when u think u can change someone or mold someone into wat u consider perfect, i would be doing u a great injustice.
i totally understand u like i understand that food does not go into the nose. but there is also another factor in this equation, i didnt mention it earlier but its present. trying to change someone, yes thats possible. but what makes what u feel what it is, is your accepting them without even trying to change who they are. problems in relationships most times arise from one of the players trying to change some attribute of the other player, and if they don't succeed then friction is bound to come up, kinetic energy is produced which would later transform to heat energy, the heat then builds up till it cannot be contained any longer. thus, a melt down occurs and it mos def would lead to letting go although u know deep down inside u that u could make things work out if u want it to.

have a nice day y'all.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The end of something good

hey there! its been a minute innit. i've been caught up with a whole bunch of kinikon i cannot even explain. didnt have no sleep last night, got somn on my mind since last nite. thus the reason why i couldnt snooze. i'll keep u updated though. anywho, i brought u guys some update abi sey na downdate on my friends lamborghini doors fitted eclipse. yeah u know the one i was talking about a lil minute ago. the said lamborghini doors have been fitted successfully but the yawa now is that the eclipse wasnt compatible with the lamborghini, it is having allergic reactions and these allergic reactions has led to infections have caused eclipse to become brain damaged(engine no gree work again) and has packed up finally. u wonder wat i mean by pack up. its easy to figure out now. the eclipse is now stale news. it doesnt work anymore, engine problem. now u see why i say if it aint broken dont fix it. short story long my dude is replacing brain damaged eclipse with a BMW seven series. u see thats wat i'm talking about. one basement window close another garage door open.

i got to go now. i've got some phone calls to make.

have a great day.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

If it aint broken don't fix it

people! people! people!
i dont know how come i have a handful of friends who are loco, some are naturally loco while some just act loco or do things that only loco people do. do i hear u ask me why i think of them like this. its simple some of them do stuff that cannot be explained. theres this friend of mine, he is the son of one of those people in naija that own luxury buses that make them long distance trips. this one is more into the lagos- benin route. anywho, this dude doesnt work right, why he doesnt i dont know, but i know his father downloads money to his pocket whenever he needs. the koko of my concern is that this dude uses his money for stuff a normal person wont do. do i hear u say wats my own is it my money or is it my father that is downloading money to his pocket. it sure aint my father but when people start to do irrational stuff then it means their heads don dey need lubrication.
OK! u guys tell me wat u think about this friend of mine. he drives a mitsubishi eclipse right. u know how small a mitsubishi eclipse is dont u. u do, aiight cool. u cant imagine wat this guy has installed in this poor car o. ranging from neon lights on the rims and underneath the car to TV/DVD/satelite radio/CD player. lowering it so it could get closer to the ground, 90 of trunk space is occupied by a giant size speaker, navigation system sef dey. help me ask am where him dey navigate go o. all he does is come to school, go home and maibe once in a while hangout with us his passies. where he got the idea that he needed a navigation system to do this everyday things i dont know. actually that one is minor compared to wat this dude is up to now. u wanna know dont u? i'll sure tell u. the said car is in the shop, and it aint that its broken and needs fixing. dude is having lamborghini style doors installed. u know them doors that open up instead of out right. yes those ones o. how much he is paying i'll let y'all know as soon as i paparazzi that one out. but the part that is paining me in this whole loco-ness is that, due to our eclipse being in the shop for a not needed makeover, dude has been taking freaking metro to school. yes o, he has been taking all the modes of transportation u were thot in primary 1 except for flying, he takes the subway (train), ferry, bus, he even waka join sef, so ask me again why i think my friend is loco. i told u about DD who called his pastor to speak with his mum cos she is against his relationship right. that one i'mma go get a update on happenings tomorrow. hopefully i'll get something. anywho i thinks imma drop my car off at the shop too, i dont know wat i'll have installed but i sure will have somn installed. join the loco-ness y'all. satisfaction guaranteed or ur money wasted.

goodnite y'all, going to dream about the makeover i'm having done to my car tomorrow. i might even dream of more stuff i could do to it.

Three Pints of Guiness

Three Pints of Guiness...
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me..."
"...I've quit drinking!"

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

NIPOST don show me sege metala

i need help for real. i dont know wats wrong with me o. i mailed my home fone bill with no postage stamps, no wonder they have been calling my house and it wasnt like i didnt have stamps sef. anyway sha they returned my bill to me, my question is, isnt it the same 39cents they require to deliver it to the fone company that they used in sending it back to me? dem don craze gonn o. why couldnt they just simply deliver it free of stamp and call it a day. hopefully i wont be past due by the time they get it. but these people mean o. all well, i guess i'll take the fone company's offer and start paying my bills online and if they ask me for stamp again then i know they want me to sepelize for them.

Stupid people...

I know we all meet orisirisi people everyday, and I know we all know that one person who thinks they are the shit meanwhile they aren't up to my shit. I have had contact with a whole bunch of them. To some extent I feels its more of being an olodo than actually being stupid. I has this coworker who always acted like she was the top bitch maibe cos she had a fat ass and every guy around tried to get some and got some. not like I have anything against her or anything but my filosophy is if u can claim to be the biggest shit around then have the brains to support ur claim. In my own books she was the stupid hot shit that everyone wanted to get in her pants. U might wonder why I think of her this way. I'll sure tell U. She proved herself to be the stupid hot shit some long minute ago at work. na so I sit my own jeje o and she was like "wat time is it" and I was like ten minutes to eleven. she turns around and was like "and wat does that mean?" I looked at her confused like wat does she mean by "wat does that mean." she repeated herself and this time she was like,"wat time is that?" I said once again ten minutes to eleven. at this point she looked like she wasn't ok to me or better still I thot she was messing with me. I walked away and was giggling as I walked. she called me back and asked why I was laughing. at this time she had on this look on her face that had wat is wrong with this dude. I was like wat does she want me to do. She asked me a question and I answered shikena. na wetin concern fish with contraceptive. she say ok wats the time? And I was like some minutes to eleven. na so she talk say she no understand wetin I dey talk o. Meaning I should tell her the time in the 10:50(ten:fifty) format that she doesn't understand wat I meant by ten minutes to eleven. At this point I now understood her problem, and the only thing I could come up with was that she couldnt tell time. cos how hard is it to understand ten minutes past eleven. anywho sha wat can I do. I cannot teach her time not at that age. instead I would have recommended that she go back to 2nd grade and collect thetuition her parents paid cos she got ripped off.
these people always get me wired up though. theres this other time I was tryingt o sell a generator to this customer of mine. I was explaining to them how to use it and all o. and I was like this is the gas tank I could hold up to 5 gallons of gasoline. next thing I heard was, "do I have to put gas in it" I was like Yes, u do. and the next thing I heard was, "I don't want to deal with gasoline don't you have electric" see me thinking in my head that how can someone think of producing electricity with electricity during a power outage. anyways we will all learn one day one day. enough of this talk about olodo people sef. they will be fine.

fingers hurt, have a nice midnight

Food 4 Thought

yes o! i am craving mr biggs meat pie, and its thanks to VERA who talked about her cravings o. since i read about her cravings i've been fantasizing about having me some meat pie buffet. i know my friend ALOIB wouldnt wanna hear me talk about any kind of nigerian meals, hopefully she wont kill me when she reads this.
talking about nigerian meals its been a minute i fixed me some amala and ewedu (salivating already) it is on this weekend. amala and ewedu is wat imma eat this weekend. DAMN FOOD IS GOOD! tell me u dont agree and i'll talkabout food some more.
last week, we were at my friends place cos it was their dads birthday and all. we got talking and gisting, na so we gist reach food o. their dads friend was telling us about naija restaurants here in the states, and was describing this naija place in houston (little did they know i had marked attendance there) at first i didnt want to blow up my spot. but the man forgot the name of the place and was cracking his brain trying to remember the name of the place. BAM! engineerAYO to the rescue. i was like i know the place, my friends looked at me like waka waka, how u take reach houston. i was like its called FINGER LICKING BUKATERIA and its on BISONET street abi se na avenue in houston. he was like yeah thats the place, how could i forget a place like that, where the ogunfe(goat meat) was first class. even ordered their FISH TO GO that one sef na killer. OH! LA! LA! FOOD IS GOOD! there is this other one is baltimore, peju's their suya was something to remember. their amala nko that one had honors degree even my uncles philippino wife couldnt resist the force of Amala and ewedu.
anywho sleep don dey catch, i'll keep y'all updated on my quest for tantalizing naija restaurants in the continental US. hopefully sooner than later i'll bring back the good news i'll find at "ASO ROCK"and "GOOD COMBINATION" both in brooklyn,NY. but till then i remain your one and only engineer who majored in accounting and loves FOOD like there is no tomorrow.
good nite y'all. men i'm hungry after all this food talk. chei! and i cant cook at this 15million o'clock.

Monday, September 11, 2006

"Can i have u for a fling"

Heart breaks! Relationships! et all! people get heart broken due to many reasons. its not always the fault of the dumper neither is it always the fault of the dumpee. depending on how the players in relationships approach what they intend to have or wat they have, i think we could have less heart breaks or in some cases lung breaks. you might wonder where this is heading right. i bet u, u cannot even imagine. read on to find out.

ok peoples lets examine this together and see if it makes sense. or better still lets see if we could make sense out of the nonsense i have to say.

i think life/relationships would be better if guys make their intentions known to the girls right from the get go. my highschool of thought thinks guys should walk up to females and state wat their intentions are direct with no detours of any sort. e.g. A guy sees some chick he is interested in but his interest is not more that a quick fling. i think the guys words to the chick should be, Hi, i like you, wouldnt mind having a fling with u. and if the chick is feeling him the she should go ahead with it and same goes for the girls, if a guy approaches you and all u want from him is a fling then let him know by answering him with; i kinda like you too but all i want is a fling. and if the guy is also down with it, the floor is all theirs they could dance all they want.
this way both sides know wat they are getting into since they are both ok with the terms.
this leads me to the KOKO of the problem with relationships, heart breaks, lung cracks and wateverumacallit. most girls want promises that cannot be kept, same goes for guys, the minute the promises cannot be met friction is bound to come up, kinetic energy is produced which would later transform to heat energy, the heat then builds up till it cannot be contained any longer. thus, a melt down occurs.

wat am i driving at, simple as ABC, its about time guys and girls start making their intentions known from the get go. statements like these would make things a lot easier CAN I AHVE YOU FOR MARRIAGE, CAN I HAVE YOU FOR A FLING, CAN I HAVE YOU AS A HAND BAG, CAN I HAVE YOU AS MY ASSISTANT BOYFRIEND, etc etc etc....

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Its my birthday!

yeah its my birthday today! i know some of y'all might wanna know how old i became. sure i'll tell u, i'm one year older. anywho today was aiight sure better than the last couple of birthdays i have had. my birthdays for the last three years i've been in school all day. so having to work today for just six hours was like a birthday gift of some sort.
i didnt do much, just hung out with my passies after i got off work, order food to go (i aint cooking nohin for nobody) and returned the calls of everyone who called me. more people actually called me on this birthday than i the last few years. i'm waiting for my gifts. i dont want anything i wont use so VERA if u think that nonsense 99cent store hausa perfume u bought would be accepted u must be smoking wat u cannot drink.

wat else has been happening outside my birthday, lets see (thinking) nothing really. yeah my uncle is ill and has been in the hospital for two days now. he simply went for a checkup o and they said his BP was high na so they admit am o. anyway i pray he get out soon cos me personally i have being admitted. i think all thru my life i've only been admitted maximum 3 times and that is if u count the times i slept overnight and was back home the next morning. hopefully he'll be back home by tomorrow.

good nite y'all.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Shit is happening o!

hey people! una well done o! how body? hope say body dey inside cloth. oh! i forgot its not only broken english speaking readers i have. dont be mad get glad. All i said was how are y'all doing? and asked if y'all were aiight and shit.
a lot of shit is happening o. i call it shit cos thats wat it tastes like. u might ask if i tasted it. i didnt but the way it smells has shit written all over it. i see some of all you amebo's and news hounds have started taking positions and warming up ur ears or in this case ur eyes.
before i start talking about the shit of a thing i wanna talk about, i want y'all to know that i've been somewhat in a mourning state since steve irwin (crocodile hunter) got stung by a sting ray. one thing is that we would all die one day but we all should pray not to die in ways that would hurt. if someone had told him he was gonna be killed by a sting ray he would probably have placed a bet with his life that, that wont be possible. but then it has happened and it has happened. MAY HIS SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE.

i think there is some setup in this thing though. i might be wrong but i think its a clique of crocs that paid the sting ray to do their dirty work for them, u know now, the way NIGERIAN poliSTEALtians pay people to do their political killings for them. i think its some croc who had a bone to pick with steve that cooked up the whole thing. i might be wrong about the croc and stingray conspiracy but i sure am damn right when i say these NO GOOD, SELF_ENRICHMENT AIM HAVING, NO USEFUL CONTRIBUTION HAVING, GOOD FOR KILLING nigerian poliSTEALtians who snuff out their opponents or anyone they deem an opponent all in the name of getting into the CURRUPTdoors of power.

Anyways i will be back to shed more light on my views about nigerian poliTRICKS, poliSTEALtians, assHOLES rock (the nigerian equivalent of white house) and trust me i have a lot to say.

meanwhile lets talk about some of the shit thats is happening.
it all started last Xmas eve. we had this rocking house party right, and b4 the end of the night some of our friends were doing lovey dovey. we didnt read anything to it after all the liquor they had consumed we thot it was the gray goose and hipnotiq they had that was kicking in.
only for my female friend(lets call her BB) to end up sleeping in my male friends(lets call him DD) house that night. we woke up on xmas morning to hear that BB was aiight and was having a chat with DD's mum. all well we were like its all good, its nothing. by new years day they were dating and we were all like ok. this is a good start to 2006!

after a while, DD hardly ever stayed in school. if he dont have class he is in brooklyn at BB's house. sometimes we wont see him for almost two weeks, imet up with him a couple of times on his way to BB's place at about 11pm. young man would leave slanting island for brooklyn late at night just cos he has to be with BB. do i hear u say it is love? HELL maibe NO. thats actually not the problem, after a while DD stopped working and instead of him getting another job. he add that time to the time he spent at BB's.

even with that, nothing spoil or so it seemed. gradually the word on the street (i keep my ears close to the ground) was that DD hardly ever came home. all he did was come home on sunday morning go to church with his familia and be back out of the house in a jiffy. that still wasnt serious, but soon BB and DD got an apartment together and moved in together. do i hear u say they are married?

thats not my problem, actually none of this is my problem. its just that i heard that DD's mum is complaining and calling my other friend's fone telling her to tell BB to leave her son alone. and wat did BB say, yeah u guessed it "I LOVE DD" the nonsense DD even called a family slash pastors meeting on his mum cos she insists he should leave BB alone and that BB should stop using JAZZ for her son. this is where i come in the DD mama has said if BB dont leave her son she would go to naija and get "home help" i even heard that BB threatened to curse DD's mum out if she dont leave her alone. did i mention that BB is older than DD by about 3 years.

i don dey tire jare i'll continue next time.

y'all have a good night. make sure y'all bite the bed bugs.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


i went for my interview and i thik i aced it. now i'll just keep my fingers crossed and hope my fone rings sooner than later. the position is in MD too. i had to drive back and forth but then i got to do wat i got to do.

talking about MD, and driving back and forth. on my way back to NY yesterday i stopped by ODUKUN's place in BOWIE to say hi. the nonsense girl barely offered me a sit not to talk of food. but thats not even bad at all she is praying i get the job so she would have someone to bother. lil does she know that the job also comes with a restraining order against her. anyway she will learn one day.

i also called my friend FUNMIE to see wat she was doing so i could go hang out with her b4 i hit the road. she no carry fone. i had wanted to see her and VERA the trouble maker but i didnt get to. all well, there is always another time, plus we'll mos def see when they come to Ny for the nigerian day parade anyway.

i also heard ODUKUN's ex-BF is gonna be a celebrity. i actually need to call VERA to confirm it cos she is the information minister. watever she says has some lie to it but it could be TRUE LIES so i'll still ask her.

on my way back from MD right after the delaware memorial bridge na so this MUMU guy wan follow me race on top I-95, lil did he know that even if i decided to race him, he'll be eating my dust cos his nonsense ford taurus got nothing on me. anyway sha i didnt race him cos i wasnt ready to get some stupid ticket cos of his ass, plus a clean driving record is one of the things my future employers would look at now tha i'm done with the second interview.

Monday, September 04, 2006

shit hole!

na wa o! can somebody please help me find a way out of this shit hole called sears. i'm tired of their BS for real. anyways lil do they know that i'm on my way to better things. as i always say they will be fine and if they aren't they can kiss my ass and tell me the flavor.

talking about flavor, its been a while i went to the city to get me some ice cream.(havent been their since the winter) do i hear u ask why i would go into the city just cos of ice cream. trust me that shit is worth every bit of it. i dont only go all the way, i also have to wait at least a half hour b4 i can get a table. the place is SERENDIPITY III for no reason my friends and i have this nonsense unusual ice cream craving at 10pm at night during the winter. all well thats that about ice cream.

ernesto showed me pepper on saturday o. see as him dey blow like say him dey possessed. ask me how i knew. i was doing waka about ni o. i had to attend my cousins wedding, the cousin sef i never met him b4 o. but he is sha my cousin, i had to show face at all cost of plus my big aunty that came from chicago wanted to see me by anyhow possible.(last time she saw me was almost 15 years ago). and she also wanted to introduce me to some other cousins that were present. i was all for it anyway that way she would introduction me to the female ones there. u wanna know why, simple, so i wont start scoping my cousin. i don tire for this thing sef cos these days all men have to be careful b4 i go dey chase my cousin. anyways God would help us. AMEN!